My Blog

It has been a year since i left Singapore to pursue my le grandeur dream of retiring in style early in life. Life here aint as fun as in singapore but i must say but this is not because of the place, ooops! check that, the place matters too, it was only last week that singapoh got F1 zrroom zrrrooom know! (come on! just imagine yourself taking a nap under a tree, then suddenly a car goes pass u at 300 km/h! u’ll need to hold on to your clothes if u want to keep em! more so if u are wearing those conservative, big-assed, length till your knee kind of skirts!)  But it’s more attributed to the new friends i made here and also the different occupation i have here in indonesia. Previously, as u all know, i was a part time student, full time badminton player and fuller time joker. Now? full time technician, parter time badminton player and even parter time joker. tak shiok lah.

Here in indonesia too i dont read as much as i used too, my indonesian sucks, english books sold here are expensive (imagine paying 5 bucks for your daily 70cents, drank over kopi, straits times newspaper!) and no time for reading. yaya, must make time, but a man’s gotta prioritise! and i prioritise making money, finding wife and keeping a healty and fit body over reading (hey! sleeping and eating is a crucial part of the last priority! confirm guaranteed and chopped!)

Hence, as a snowball effect of not reading as much as also not speaking much english (in indonesia we speak bahasa indonesia lah! duh~~~! ) i do feel the deteriorating of the standard, gentlemanly, polite and si be cun queens’ english that me and my friends used to use. (HA! entraptment 101! now u MUST agree that my english is sui sui steady pom peepee stylo milo oreo!) So in the spirit of using it before losing it as my madher used to say, i’m now taking the time to update my blog. but frankly, i’m really surprised on the amount of crap crapity crap that i used to hold in my mind and thus able to write — Men lose their excretory function faster than women? really? thankfully, 2 years after that entry (yea, it has been 2 years babe…) the stuff i have inside is more of quality, sikit atas things. Preview? “Volt x Amphere = Watt”. An encore performance? “Judge not and u be not judged” matthew 7:1 (agree with me my breathren! for the end of days is near! hehe!)

But hey, dont get me wrong, life in Indonesia aint so bad really. Down here, we’re treated like big shots even if i’m not one YET. Parking attendant to help you park your car, an army of maid at your mercy and whims and most importantly, cheap ciggies (less than 2 bucks for a pack of marlo’s lights, how much u’re paying there again? 12 bucks? it sucks to be u aint it? hehe) but the thing is, right now, during hari raya holiday, the maids get a week’s worth of holiday! so now i must clean up myself! when i was in singapore, it’s no big deal, but now? i aint saying it’s gargantous, but it does look like quite a significant of mess i have lyin ard. (now u know why i prioritise looking for a wife over reading! now now, dont hate me now girls… ) OH! did i mention cheap cars here? cars here are less than half the price in singapore! that’s the reason i am able to drive a Suzuki SUV! hehe

Sigh… writing this aint as easy as it used to. last time, i dont know when to stop, now i cant wait to stop. i guess age is a factor… i’m 25 now dude. a quarter of a century! i do hope that by the time another quarter have passed, i’d have a different occupation - part time badminton player, full time dad (awwww) and a much fuller time lover! she’s gonna be hot i tell u!! HOT! u can count on it! hehe! ciaos people. Do take care of yourselves. As the chinese saying that goes “pao cung” translation: “keep your weight the same” i shall wish you the same… but do not, i repeat once more DO NOT wish me the same! my six pack is on the way baby!

Peace out!

u all have watched it, seen it, or lived with it, men who are insensitive, always leave the toilet seat up (or worse!), only objectifies women and treat women as inferior beings. well, i personally, kinda believe that men is facing a slow eradication by mother nature! we need to change guys!

Think of it this way, the chances of conceiving a male to a female is 8:1 ! but what have we men did to deserve this?? well… in the beginning, male served a necessary and critial function in the growth of the homo sapiens, we hunted and we protected the family through our superior strength, in our taller and more dense bone structure and through our aggresiveness. our innate instinct to spread our seeds has helped populated the earth via unrestricted, continuous and random sex! (primitive ages aint so bad now eh?) but lately, technology, has made this function virtually useless! so what if we are taller than woman? they invented ladders, cars and guns! (men without hindsight invented these! with women backing them no doubt! with sex as their weapon!) but how about men as the carrier of seeds of which to fertilise the egg? to ensure the continuance of life on this God’s green green beautiful glorious earth? well, some IDIOT TRAiTOR guy invented in-vitro fertilisation, which means that now women only need a few of us in order to have babies! let’s kill the guy! the bastard!

But wait wait! but why is mother nature doing this to us? what have we men done to deserve this?? well… men have headed multiples of projects that have done nothing but stunk and made a mess on the earth and killed numerous species! ask yourself, how many women that you know, actually even thought of killing another person? (bitch fighting no count!) much less an entire country! (Albert E=MC2 thought of this! the sicko!) These hands of ours, when its not busy trying to bring pleasure to ourselves is just working overtime to make a mess of things! just look ard your room for some example!

Contrary to popular myth, we, men, are the less developed, and therefore the weaker sex. 1) women’s life expectancy is 80 years while men is 74.2 years. 2)our brain is less developed and shrink faster than a woman’s (men risks of alzheimer’s is almost twice of womans!) 3) men’s major body functions, respiratory, circulatory, digestive and excretory functions are likely to break down long before woman’s (when i read this article, the excretory function breaking down was not really a surprise, just think of the smell after u poop! *gasping for air*) 4) men are not as smart as women, primary sch girls perform better than guys on average (face it guys, do u really get smarter when u get older? cabut class here cabut class there because cant wake up…because of soccer, drinking, com games…) (knn! u tell my mother, u die!)

maybe it was god’s original plan in the first place… just look at women… Maybe He spent the better of day six creating what women would look like. U dont get me? just take a look at women! the shapes, the curves, the symmetry… I think we can all agree — women are beautiful! just look at them! look ard NOW! (oi! do u really think your mom is ugly? do you? DO YOU? i tell her ah!) when He finished creating women, He probably thought it was too perfect and decided to keep her for himself! (we all know that feeling… dont we?) Add to that, He was probably looking forward to the seventh day of rest! so He did a rush job and created the men!  and since he used up all his tricks to make women, so in the end we get inferior body parts, reciding hairlines, potbellies… sigh…

we need to change guys… how? i dont know… to what? i aint a woman… all this talk is making me stressful… brb.. i go smoke.

speaking of smoking, i got an idea on how to err… kill off some women… (i’m sick… but still! u tell my mother, u die!) let’s make them smoke too! the tobacco companies (all run by men!) have been successful in making more women smoke, in a time when male smokers are declining! lung cancer has now officially taken over breast cancer as the number one women killer in the world! HAH! let’s do our part here! here are some lines for u to say to your women! for the ease of your communication, i am pleased to offer 4 languange options.. press 1 for english… hehehehe (macam answering machine hor?)

1) baby, let’s go and smoke together under the stars.. they are so bright tonight
2) qing ai de, phei wo chou yi gen yen hao ma?
3) say, daripada ngeliatin aku ngokar sendirian… temenin dong
4) KNN!! CCB!!! mai tiam2 khua la! nah! ho lu ce ki!

remember, their female friends will be sure to try and talk them out of smoking buy saying it’s not feminime, give bad breath etc! but we are cleverer than them! we convince them back ok? u best lah brow~

disclaimer: this article is written just out of boredom with no intention of hurting or insinuating anything. It is written with information from various sources, for a complete appendix and list of references, it can be found… knn! u think still in sch ah? must write reference!

it’s 520 am.. cant sleep… have been studying, 9 more days to first paper. feel tired but cant sleep… shit! now i regret that i did not start studying earlier. it’s because of 2 things, overconfidence and my ex-gf. well, u see, i’ve always thought that i’m clever so i tend to take things easy.. same case with exams this time round. i thought i can score with a little studying at the last minute, so instead of studying, i played. went back to indonesia, went KL, JB (3 times!), chilled with friends, clubbing, etc. u get the picture of the good life. hehe. now then i regret. UOL aint exactly a walk in the park.. ex-gf? my ex-gf can be quite studious, so last year, she made me study quite early on. that’s why i managed to do quite well for myself. now that we;re not together, nobody to really pull my ear… oh well. the past is the past, now i need to look forward.

i am actually thinking of forwarding one of my paper to next year by not attending the exam for that paper at all. i can actually quite safely do this because due to my 1.5 module exemption, i only need to take 3 modules instead of the normal 4 next year. but question is, if i do it next year, can i do better? and which paper to forward? think think.

for the first time in my life, i am stressed because of studies, i find that i dont do as well under stress.. cant really take my time to slowly ponder and digest what i read. I started smoking again recently (been smoking since 14) because i do feel that it help me study better, calms me a little but i have to be careful, sometimes i smoke too much that i get nauseous.

i have to admit though, it is time like this that i feel having someone is good. not someone as in girlfriend but as in Someone from “up there” kinda envy people who can just let go of everything, of pride, ego and in all humility, ask for strength and ask for help from God. I can do it too, i know, but the thing that lingers in my mind is that after all this is over, will i still be able to let go of all my pride and ego and ask from Him for everything there is in life? big and small? if i cant do it, especially in the small matters, then might as well dont start because if not, i’ll just be a hypocrite — only believe in Him when i need Him.

you see, like any other guy with a huge ego, i believe that everything is in MY hands. that the amount of effort is directly proportional to the results or returns i get ie there is no agency costs (hee hee) but i have learned that this is not the case sometimes and there is such a thing called fate. i just choose not to believe in it much. hurts my ego to believe in it. sad huh? but this is actually what makes me tick. i am afraid once i let go, then i wont work as hard to tackle my problems. i’ll be submissive just go “if He wants me to have it, He’ll give it to me”

my housemate was telling me that she thinks there is a strong calling for me to go into christianity. she’s a staunch believer and like any good believer, she tries to influence me for fear of me going to hell (never understood this part though, Jesus is so evil ah? either u’re with him or against him mentality? freethinkers who do good how?) in all honesty, i do feel it though, for the past year or so, i’ve been hanging out with more christians… be it outside friends, school friends, housemates, customers and suppliers… and i have this huge crush for a strong christian. Oh boy, she’s great! pretty, smart, confident, hardworking, thrifty, down-to-earth… the easiest way for me to approach her is to accept her invitations to go to church and prayer meetings with her because that’s what she does with most of her free time and she always talks about it. but thing is, i feel for reasons mentioned above, that i am not ready yet to accept christianity.. i dont feel comfortable going to these places just to go after a girl, it’s against my principles. a man with principles or a guy who is not willing to sacrifice for the girl? i dont know. have been accused of both.

to me, principles are very important. it what makes me proud of who i am. what makes me able to look back in the past and confidently and proudly say “i have made the right decisions” some arent easy, but to me, it’s the right thing to do. that’s why i’ve pretty much given up on this girl, i’m in the submissive mode of “hey, if we are meant to be, then the “one up there” will pull strings and we’ll be together happily, with no conflict of beliefs/principles”

so will the main character of the story get the girl? well, keep reading the posts! hee hee. life is fun aint it? so full of drama. =) oh~ good luck to all who are studying k.

I am all smiles today and last night… i just came back from indonesia after spending 6 days there and it was a totally refreshing experience, it put everything back into perspective for me. I would like myself to stay this way so i’ll need something to remind myself of how super lucky i am staying in Singapore. Hence, this blog entry. be forewarned that its a little racist. no hard feelings ok? 

I went back on tuesday morning with 3 huge luggage, nope! i only brought 4shirts, 4boxers,1brief(hehe!) 2 shorts and a pair of jeans. The rest are all my goods that i’m selling in Indonesia. Was kinda wary that the indonesian customs will cause me trouble, well, they are known for it and i do kinda deserve it. i brought back, 10 pairs of shoes, 6 rackets 3 big badminton bags and a lot of other stuffs! but hey hey! no question asked. all is safe ! AMEN! went to lampung (my hometown), met my parents and ate and slept! so nice.

The next day my tasks began. I was to go to the electric distict to ask why hasnt my shop’s electricity capacity been increased, it was asked for since january. Went in, talked to the district head who i think forgot all about it, went into suicide mode and ultimatumed him to do it within a week. He stuttered and all and i think he got the message, well, thing is, my mom has asked him nicely, dined him, bribed him a sizable sum. what more can he ask for? For dinner, my mom brought me out with her friend and her daughter, she told me quietly that the mother was thinking of "giving" her daughter to me. sigh… dont know whether my mum is being thick or does she really wants grandkids that badly, but this is her.. err.. was it 6th or 8th time that i am matchmaked. oh well, so after lunch i excused myself and her to have some private time. She’s ok, looks arent fantastic but she’s friendly. Talked for a while, got her number and we went back. i simply wasnt looking for a wife now! It’ll be a long distance relationship somemore! i think i may stray! SHUSH! i DID NOT just say that! u didnt hear that ok!

ahoi! the next day came and my mom told me to represent her to go to this photographers community meeting ("arisan" for those of u who understand) to tell to everybody in the community that my shop has just installed a new machine which can print digital superior quality photos. Sounds important eh? so what was so important that she cant go? well, she has to go have her hair and nails cut and filed! complained and all but i still went. Try to imagine my reaction when the place was full of ard 200 native indonesians! i was the only one wearing jeans, easily the top 5 biggest and tallest there, (no award though!) and the only chinese! i was sticking out like a BIG, SORE, WHITE-ASSED YOUNG PUNK thumb! why must my mom always send me to this do this kind of khang tao? so did a bit mingling, gave out sample photo printouts from the new machine and got to know some of the make-up artist! (mostly are female lah! u watch too much TV ah?) then the formal part began and it came my turn to go up the podium. Went up, talked crap (i didnt get the title master bullshitter for nothing hor!) and was well-received (how not to? hehe!) one thing i got to thank my friends for though… the thing is, i was rambling on on how good the machine is and how we can help each other and be partners to futher our business till one of the older make-up artist spoke loudy in native javanese which made everybody laughed. did catch most of it except for the word "regone" which meant "price"! AHA! i answered the question in indonesian with a promotional price that i made up there and then and everybody was shocked by this big white-assed punk! HE SPEAKS JAVANESE! haha! thanks vivi, leny, farika and lulu! couldnt have done it without u! on a sadder note, when i told my mom she told me that the price i gave was very low and it was coming out of my allowance… but MOM~~~~ !!!! *stomp stomp! grumble grumble!* nobody remind her! if i’m lucky she’ll forget! hihi!

on thursday my mom had to help my dad out in the shop so i was to entertain her friends who stopped over in lampung on the way to palembang. 19 of them coming in 4 SUVs. so i wined em, dined em, mingled ard with em, joked with em and promised to visit them the next time i went back. what a nice life, they are all retirees who got nothing to do so they are going ard sumatra to up until medan. what will they be doing there? nothing.. just eat, sing, dance and be merry! of course its not the trance or techno music that they dance to lah~ it’s R&B dude! hehe! imagine that for a while k! hehe. it’s actually the traditional english dances that they do, waltz, rumba, cha2,etc. it’s actually a sign of social class when u can do them! because that means u got the 1.space in your house to practive 2.the money to engage a coach 3.got nothing to do but to practice em! hehe! dun tell your parents this ok!

Friday! what a boring day it was, i was at the shop the whole day! nothing to do. just stoned! forgot to brought my books from home to study (i actually brought my FR and macro notes back k! just that never touched em lah!) night came and the whole family went to a small simple kampong restaurant to eat. and there, my mom was at it again! he asked for the boss, who called her daughter out to "meet" me. but i was pleasantly surprised, she native indonesian but was gorgeous! YEA MOM! NOW WE’RE TALKING! ate together and like always, i excused myself and her. 20mins in and i was bored. u see, this was the super homemaker type, the shy, quiet, do-whatever-u-want-with-me-i’m-yours type! the whole time she either smiled at me, nodded, shook her head or blushed. i didnt know these kind of girl still existed! she should be put inside a museum or something! i dont want a FFL wife (feed me, fuck me and leave me alone) i need someone who can stimulate me intellectually, that can help me entertain my guests, take care of my kids, help me when i am troubled by things. someone like my mom? hehe

Saturday morning i went to jakarta. went straight to pasar pagi lama to get goods and then to careefour, there i bought instant noodles, chili sauce, dark soya sauce, 20 packets of nuts (i hope when i see the person i bought it for doesnt look like a peanut when i see her few weeks down the road!) bubble gum, and a lot of other things. Spent the rest of the day looking for foods that another person asked me to buy. most of the things in the list are easy to find and i found out where are famous for it, striked off some because it’s hard to carry and went to hunt for the rest! it was like a bloody needle in a haystack! it wasnt easy! went up and down of jakarta in the heat and in the jam found some and gave up on some! sorry! i tried k! i swear! if i lie, i’ll let u pull my ear! reached home at 8pm!

bathed and all and went out again with my singapore housemate’s brother! we went clubbing! night life in jakarta was disappointing though, heard it was bad but never had the chance to experience it first hand, uncles are married lah! if they go, their wives will pull their ear! u see, in indonesia, clubbing has a very bad connotation to it, conservative mah~ first club we went to was "bliss" it was nice. big, on the top floor of an office building and is frequented by a lot of youngsters! but i feel kinda disgusted by it… there was a lot of hookers ard! one even sat beside me! EEEKS! i hope HIV hasnt mutated and become airborned! the next club was "K7" which was a more lowly club with nude bar-top dancers (u aint NEVER, EVER! gonna get it in sg! EVER!) surprisingly, there was no hookers ard! at least i didnt see any. HOWEVER, music was bad, it was dance music mixed with the traditional indonesian dance music (dangdut). so we hung out there, had a few beers and called it a night.

Sunday i went ard picking up the food that i ordered and packing them up! OH SHIT! too much! baggage allowance was 20kg but my total stuff was 51kg! on the way to the airport there was a traffic jam somemore! one of the wheel of a bus exploded! YEA! it went kaboom! with smoke and rubber burning smell and all! the bus hobbled to the side and everybody was fine. i didnt see it though, we saw the burning smoke only. sian… when i reach the airport i only got an hour to spare to check in, settle my excess baggage and tax! i ran to everywhere i go! lucky i got play badminton! all my baggage was in, total of 43 kg. managed to bribe the guy in charge. Someone "up" there likes~ me! hehe.

back in singapore! yeay! it’s really a nice feeling… to know that everything is in order. that u dont need to bribe get things done… yep, it was really THAT bad in indonesia last time, i got to say though, it is getting harder to bribe people nowadays… good? maybe. bad? sometimes.

that’s my life in indonesia! that why i think that i’m so damn lucky to be in singapore! dont know why most of my indonesian friends prefer to stay in indonesia than in singapore. down here, i’m so free, i get to do everything i want to do, whenever i want them! i wonder will i ever be able to give the same to my parents later, to let them be in the same position as me. got money but nothing to buy, got time but nowhere to go, nothing to do… i dont have much time… my dad is 57 and my mom is 47. the business i got going right now is still far from big. "time waits for no men" a friend’s MSN nick says… damn…

hey all,

it has been a while… i actually stopped updating my blog because of 2 things. A certain loyal reader was saying that my writing has become drier and secondly, because i don’t really feel comfortable with people really knowing a lot about my life.

So why am i here? well, boredom for one. For the past 3 months or so, my left heel has been growing something called "heel spur" it was only about 1.5 months ago that i actually succumbed to the pain and stopped playing badminton altogether. Good news is, it’s better now. Bad news is, it’s still here.

I do hope it goes away soon, well, i kinda NEED it to go away. Life without much activities is darn boring. I was actually in quite a bad shape recently (emotionally lah~ physical part i know aldy! no need remind me! i got mirror…) because of staying at home too much. School ended for me for those who are not aware. So day in day out i am just at home. cant walk too much, it hurts, cant go to the gym or play badminton… oh~ it was so boring! dont have anything to look forward to! in a bloody state of anomie!

It got so bad that my social skills were gone! recently i met this guy who wants to be my supplier. He came to Singapore twice to meet me and still i feel ackward with him… there were many uncomftable silences! ME! master bullshitter, professor of talking cock, god of saying stupid things were just out of things to say! that’s how bad it got!

i’m better now. started going gym again, legs hurts more than previously though and am going out more. i feel like a bird who is let out of its cage! haha! hopefully i wont fall back into that state again! it sucks!

Thing is, because of the leg, i kinda hurt somebody. had a crush on her for quite some time now, but never really acted on it till recently. I was thrilled that she was willing to go out with me for a few consecutive days… well, it was her sch break at that time… anyways, i got confused when her sch started and she just disappeared! didnt return my calls or messages… so me, being the idiot with the HUGE ego and the desperate need for a new activity partner to help me get out of my anomie, kept on pushing her. The only time i realised i went too far was when she told me that she got no more feelings for me anymore and have grown tired being friends with me. OUCH! apologized to her already few days back but i dont know whether i have been forgiven. Definitely not forgotten though! women cant forget! (and here i thought guys were the ones with 2 heads! hehe!) just gotta give her her own space for now i guess.. oh well.

so lesson from me. When u are bored and feels that life cant get any worse, call me out. I shall oblige! Have been there. I know how u feel! i wouldnt wish it on anybody!

frankly, i have been feeling kinda down lately… i think i’m suffering from a mild depression, not really used to being single you know… time with my ex was good while it lasted. REAL good and i’m thankful to her and to the "up there" for it. But hey, i made a decision to break it up so here i am sticking to it.. it kinda suck… but it’s the right thing to do… i hope i wont regret it 20 years down the road…

had some time to think about it, and with messages from a friend i have decided to just lay back and enjoy life and see what it can offer me~ i’m going to just be myself for a while, stop "playing" the dating game and just go by instinct/spontainety/mood and not thinking so much… playing the dating game has made me have mood swings! (macam girl like that know!) i like the times when i’m happy, but there’s also the downs to deal with… *sigh*

the irony to everything here is that actually tonight, i found out that i like somebody… out of so many girls to choose from, tall, pretty, long silky hair, etc. the heart has to choose a plain jane! hey~ at least it’s consistent with my motto of finding someone as screwed up as me, no more no less… haha

i’ll try this out and see how life treats me. I’m a born pessimist but i wanna learn to be an optimist… life just looks better as an optimist dont you think? but then again, chasing blind hope is also suicidal… like a lot of things in life, it’s a fine line.

Writing this has remind me of a very old song… if i’m not mistaken the song goes like "que sera sera sera… whatever will be will be will be" i’m going to download it now.. thank god for the internet and for the internet being as free as it is now! haha! i thank all of you who have taken the time to read the whole blog. i’ve been complaining quite a lot recently and the writing has been kinda depressing at times… i thank you from the deepest place in my heart~ writing this has been a good outlet and a source of comfort to me. i thank you you all!

PS. those who leave a comment like my dear rachel did will receive a free milo peng treat from me!

i know! i know that in my latest entry i said that i’ll lay low for awhile and not write anything for a while, but funnily, after i wrote that entry, when i showered, i thought of what to write… been thinking of it for the whole day and my thoughts were actually confirmed when "it" happened again today… what is "it" you may ask… well, stay tuned boys and girls! same time, same channel next week! haha! okok i wont do that, the suspense may kill some! and i dont want any blood on my hands!

in the recent few days, i have been asked the question for many times (almost 10!)… and this is a topic that i cant just wave off with a smile and a simple "it"s a long story" you see, its about religion. you know what they say right? the 3 things not to talk about to people u just met are religion, politics and your ex. *laughs*

when people ask me what is my religion, i usually say i’m a free thinker, but for some reason, they usually follow up on this and ask me "how come you dont believe in god" or something along these lines… this is the question that is the long one…

well, i am basically a free thinker, i’m not an atheist mind you… i DO believe that there is someone "up" there… but i just chose to stop there and not continue to "choose" who to be "up" there. you get me? here, let me reiterate — i believe that someone is up there, he is the creator of man, has power over us etc, but i dont want to acknowledge his identity, after all, Muhamad, jesus, the lord, etc, all preach the same things… dont they? correct me if i’m wrong K (haha! a trap to get comments! lol!)

i used to not believe in a higher being, used to think that it’s a load of crap that humans just made up to make themselves feel better when something happens and also someone to blame when something screws up. Imagine the ecstasy i felt when i found out that Karl Marx said the same thing! "religion is the opium of the people, it is the heart in the heartless world" those were his words… However, living life, it has made believe that there is someone up there… sure there are phenomenons like in floods, churches and mosques are the one left standing while the rest are flattened, cars with lucky charms are left unscratched in a row of cars that caught fire during riots, etc. But what made me change are not this, it is the personal experiences that i’ve encountered myself.

let me share with you something that happened that i label as "up there’s doing" (those unexplained, must call Xfiles kinda cases! *enter X-file music* hehe!) when i was wooing my ex (dun tell you which one!) things were quite hard. By that time, i’ve already established that i like her (dun ask me how i know, i just know, you know?) but getting closer to her is hard as we dont share much… we study in different schools, have very little common friends and we seldom go out together… it gotten so bad that i actually jotted down some topics before i call her! just to make sure that there is no awkwardness between us! it gotten better after a while (i woo her for almost a year leh brudder!) with us making common friends and we getting to know each other better… however, the turning point was one fine night, when i called her… i could tell from her voice that she has been crying.. i let her be for a while and then poked my nose in her sorrow.. that was the time that we clicked and her feelings towards me started (i checked!) the rest is history…

until now, i still dont know what made me call her that night… i remembered that i just came back from a badminton game and havent showered.. the urge to call was just there. i called and we talked for hours, until 3 or 4am if i’m not mistaken! (nope, i didnt bathe after tt, i knew you were curious!) it’s just something that the up there did me thinks. then and even until now… it makes me wonder whether i did the right thing breaking up with her.. but no point crying over spilt milk eh~ it’s all water under the bridge now~

here’s something that happened even more recently! i called this girl up for a friendly chat and it happens that she just finished showering, so me, being the sweetest guy on earth (OI! ppl got say this to me hor!) actually stopped her ranting and suggested that she dry her hair and all before i call back in half an hour. She appreciated that and added that her phone has some problems, it goes off intermittently and that it depended on my luck whether i can call thru or not. i dismissed that and hung up. True enuff! half an hour later, it’s off! come on… i dont believe that such coincidences happen. it’s just either one of 2 things: 1)that the "up there" doesnt want me to call her or 2)she turned it off knowing i’ll be calling. either way, it’s bad for me huh? haha. oh well, life goes on~

note to my dear sweet sweet friends who i love and who has taken precious time to read my blog! i love you all and you bunch are the best bunch in the whole wide world! (a little bootlicking wont hurt anybody right? hehe): i’d appreciate it if you all dont get upset if i refuse to reveal the identities of the people mentioned in my blogs. sensitive lah sometimes~ and i also must respect the other party’s identity mah~ so please please, pretty pretty please, no get angry with me k… *teary eyes* i write stuff here not to imply or send indirect messages or anything… trust me, it’ll all for fun laughter peace and joy! honest! cross my heart! may lightning strike me if i’m telling a lie! hehe!

limton out!

Like singer Bob Marley said, "no woman no cry" although the lyrics of the song has no meaning, but i do agree with the title. Women…. let us take a while and ponder about the opposite sex, or the fairer sex as some would call it (really? huh~? i’ve seen women who are more tanned than me!)

Women, they are the source of happiness, the giver of life, and like two sides of the coin, they are the source of unhapiness too… cant say much about taker of life though. heheee. Ever since i’ve broken up with verly, i have tried playing the dating game — getting to know more people, zoning in on the ones i’m interested in and then just see what happens. Doing this has made me unusually happy and unhappy, well, if they’re responsive and in good mood, then i’ll be too, alas, if they’re the opposite or if they decide to pull some stunts, then i’ll be confused and unhappy. Been thinking about this and i think i’ll just lay off for a while and live life as a single for awhile, after all, i’ve been attached for 10 good months. Maybe i’ll join a friend’s "jomblo club" with the official slogan of "no love allowed here" haha

On the topic of blogging and breaking up, it has gotten me a little upset that my ex would write a full blog titled "how to get over a jerk" i’m not really bothered about it, but i’d like to think that i’ve done the right thing and took the hard road. Just a little upset that she doesnt see it that way. However, reading her blog (yep! i know you read mine too! and i know that you know that i know!) was kinda good. This and some event that happened recently actually confirmed my thoughts that we’re just not suitable for each other. But i do want to be friends, it’s just such a waste to lose someone that you know so well you know.. but if she’s made up her mind, then i guess i’ll have to respect that. it does take 2 hands to clap~

Love is a funny thing huh? can 2 person of the opposite sex be just good friends? i dont know, never happened to me. and the one time that i do have a good female friend, i’d have to admit that i do have my crushes on her from time to time, it’s just that i’ve decided to not go that road because i know that we dont suit each other. Does that mean i’m desperate? maybe… i dont know. It does get kinda lonely here sometimes. A friend of mine when asked about this said that it is possible, just that they both need to overcome the initial suspicion. He may be right and he might be wrong. I’ll just have to open my eyes and see for myself.

Humans… we a funny bunch huh? always seeing that the grass is always greener of the other side… not appreciating what u have in front of you till you lose it.. always looking for perfection in every sense of the word… oh~! u get my flow~ I AM looking for "the one"…. the one badminton racket that can up my game, the one life that can make me happy, the one woman who is just the right amount of perfection as me~ (or just as screwed up as me!). But is there such thing as "the one" in the first place? i do not have an answer to that. i’m still thinking about it, pondering, contemplating, meditating (as if!) on it. will let you know when i have the answer! before that happens, just sit back and relax… this may take a while man~ =D

On a more light hearted note, even after specifically asking for comments, i still dont have any! *sobs* but it’s good. i actually have a few friends coming to tell me that my blog is good! haha! so happy! and noone bother to offer me a candy of sort! someone did in class, 2 times, but it wasnt because of the blog. I know that for fact.. but she is still damn sweet for offering me that well needed sweet! it’s the sweetest sweet that i took! haha!after this post, i think i’m going to lay low for a while. Dont think have much thing to write at the moment. Like i said, i lead a simple boring life… *bore* but i may be wrong! so stay tuned k!

to be honest, i’m not completely sure that i am comfortable with writing this entry. This has, by far, been the most personal entry to date (i know only got 3 entries, but still…) i dont know what repercussions it may have. Just got to wait and see i guess. Hell! dont think a lot of my friends read this anyway. hehe

Peace out!

i think there is a chance that i may be addicted to this blogging thing… cant get it off my mind… what am i going to write, who i’m going to curse and how to do that so that most of the people know without that person having any concrete evidence to sue that i defamed him! if not i can go prison! A close friend actually suggested that i set up another blog, this time an anonymous one and using fictitious names to curse these people… let me think about it… haha

i guess part of the reason why i like blogging is because it gives me a chance to reflect… be more acquainted with the real me. Just recently a friend said "hidup ini bagai sandiwara" for you out there who dont understand french, this means that life is like a play. She kinda took the idea from Mead (sociology! go dig it up!) but it’s true.. we all are like actors and we all put on masks in different situations and with different people. i think this is why we are all lonely in this world and we yearn to find the one that can see us for who we are and love us for being who we are. To make the search worse, there must be a double coincidence of this happening, ie, both must go nuts about each other! *whistle whistle* god didnt make life easy for us huh? oh well~

but to be honest, i would appreciate comments on the blog. i dont think there are any way i can track the traffic coming into this blog, hey hey, i know what you are thinking… and yes, i’m a narcissist! i love myself above all! but dont we all?

anyways, today i attended marketing lesson and it was mind numbing! i actually went out twice. Both times with a friend and we went to canteen, went in and then went to poo together~ haha! YES! i derive a higher utility/happiness from pooing together with a GUY compared to listening to the marketing lecture… the worst part is, when i got back and flipped back, i realised i understood everything, that i need not worry about missing lesson and ultimately, that i made the right decision! will take into consideration skipping more marketing lessons!

backtracking a little, the guy actually think that blogging are for pussies! i disagreed with him, but didnt bother to reply much, just told him to try it for himself… ironically, later that day, i found out that he’s playing netball! now who’s the pussy? lol! no disrespect intended! and especially to him, "ngentot lu!" (yup! french again!)

while writing this blog, my hands feel weak, i’ve been pushing myself at the gym for the past 2 days, kinda sick with not seeing much of a difference in the mirror. I’ve decided that i’m gonna give my all in the next month or so.. and if i dont see any improvements, then i’m not going to renew my membership when it expires in…. another year plus (i know it’s kinda dumb, but hey! i’m a determined guy!)

now is the part where i dont have anything else to write. I guess i lead quite a simple life.. (i refuse to use the word "boring" coz i’m not!) but simple is good. no drama, means no sudden happiness and sudden sadness, which is good i think. Just live life slowly, peacefully… got age already lah! *cough cough*

speaking of coughing, i have been under the weather lately… i’m too heaty and it has gotten so bad that my ears and nose are blocked. My throat is kinda sore too. so if you’re reading this and happen to see me, do offer me some candy if you have k. *wink*

i guess i’ll stop here. i’ll go to sleep for a while and then will go play badminton later. besides, i saw my first post, and wow! it was long! it’s amazing what crap you can write huh? and to think i even complained to my sec sch teacher that writing 150 word long essay is hard! if he would to see me now, i think he’d be proud!

see ya!

today is monday night, the 10th of oct 2005, been thinking of trying out this blog craze for a while now… i got to admit, i thought of it as a waste of time, but ever since so many poeople are hooked to it, and even getting jailed over it, there has to be something to it~ hell, a friend of mine is even dedicating her whole year’s work into researching blogs! (yes, it’s you)

at this point in my life, i just broke up with my second gf. and wuut! after the breakup, i hate to say that boy she looks better than ever! guess a friend’s theory of looks vs relationship time is correct… he said that the way a person looks is inversely proportionate to the time the person is in a relationship. once relationship is over, the person will look good again coz it’s we’re finding a mate again! basic animal instinct! we’re all monkeys dude !

i guess life has been good. but as always, it could be better (haha! we all human lah, brudder) i’m kinda glad that when i reflect back on the past, i dont have much to regret over. I am proud of who i am. Sure i have my weaknesses (go ask my ex!) but generally, i’m a good guy, blessed with many good things. Like always, these things can be better, but generally, i’m contented with what i have and who i am. This is more than many people can say about themselves. (no! not u! u’re a friend, so you’re good! haha!)

Writing this paragraph is kinda difficult, i don’t know what to write. Should i talk about badminton? how in this few weeks i found out an area of my game that is sorely weak? or should i talk about me being unsure about my future? future with respect to what i’m gonna do after i serve my 3yr tuition grant, or just my immediate future — what should i do tomorrow?

we all have insecurities, but i do believe that things have a knack for working out for themselves. what is meant to be is meant to be, but the fun in it all is in how we try and put effort into it. I sincerely believe that humans need to be unsure of the future, if we all know our fates, then we’ll all be lazy bums staying at home "scratch backside" <— a friend’s fav phrase.

at this point in my life, time passes very quickly. one day it’s monday, the next thing i know it, it’ll be monday again! i dont even know what have i been doing with my time — i dont sleep much, i dont play comp games and such. But it’s good. i get to do whatever i want, whenever i want. But strangely, i get the feeling that i am in some twilight zone and everything is all blurrly and fuzzy. Now i’m doing this, the next thing i know i’m doing another thing. I think i need some time to sit under a tree or watch some water flowing and just ponder about life. after all, what is life if we dont have time to stop and stare? — quote from some famous guy i forgot. I actually did sit under a tree today, while waiting for an SMS from someone… but instead of pondering about life, i actually fell asleep! haha! oh life…

"nobody dies a virgin, life screws us all" — cool quotation eh!

i would like to end this session with a saying that i believe is very true. Ironically, it’s not by some famous thinker or great leaders, but it’s from a japanese animation movie titled "gundam seed destiny". the saying goes like this, "we are all unsure of the future, so what we can do is what we think is right for now. When the future unfolds, we can all be happy or regret it later" it’s not really some chiminological chimness, just something for you to ponder about when lectures becomes draggy.

k lah. i’m off now. thanks for taking time to read this crap. i had fun writing it.